It’s been a LONG hiatus. Much, much longer than I ever
intended, but it was necessary.
Over the past few months, life has been overwhelming me.
Nothing particularly huge has gone on, over-all (there have been moments!), but
the sheer fact of getting out of bed each day, mothering my kids and keeping my
house has driven me to a very dark place, which I haven’t felt like sharing
with everyone.
I love blogging. It’s cathartic, it allows me to organise my
own thoughts and air the views I can’t be bothered putting on social media
outlets because I get annoyed when people hate on me for having an opinion. I
like the thought that I’m reaching people, that I’m not alone. But I didn’t
want to share my dark place, because none of you deserve that. No one in the
world deserves to be party to the self-loathing, despair and bile I’ve waded
through the past couple of weeks (months) and I’ve tried my hardest not to
share with anyone.
My husband and kids, sadly, cannot avoid it all the time,
but mindful of their love, their support and the fact that they don’t deserve
it, I dish it out very little. Same with my friends. They know I’m sad, moody
and very unpleasant, but self-restraint on my part has meant that they know
only fractions of the bites the Big Black Dog takes from my soul, and that’s
more than they need to know. I’m trying, in my own ways, to be the kind of
person they deserve.
Big things have happened the past few weeks (months). Happy
things, including finding out the sex of our tiny person and said tiny person
being incredibly healthy, O learning to write her own name and spell it out
loud, a wonderful honeymoon for B and I. Sad things, including losing our
beautiful friend Katherine to the epic cancer that’s been eating her body and
the realisation that I’m probably going to need a C-Section for the birth of
our tiny person. All of these things have come with their own set of emotions,
whether positive or not so, and each one, in its own way, has taken some of my
rather limited energy.
I’m working my way through all of my stuff, and I’m finally
ready to re-join the blogosphere, hopefully with a happy outlook on life. Hope
you’ll jump back aboard for the ride!!
What a great day to start back up!! It’s Flog Yo’ Blog
Friday over at With Some Grace!
