Friday, April 26, 2013

I'm back!!

It’s been a LONG hiatus. Much, much longer than I ever intended, but it was necessary.
Over the past few months, life has been overwhelming me. Nothing particularly huge has gone on, over-all (there have been moments!), but the sheer fact of getting out of bed each day, mothering my kids and keeping my house has driven me to a very dark place, which I haven’t felt like sharing with everyone.

I love blogging. It’s cathartic, it allows me to organise my own thoughts and air the views I can’t be bothered putting on social media outlets because I get annoyed when people hate on me for having an opinion. I like the thought that I’m reaching people, that I’m not alone. But I didn’t want to share my dark place, because none of you deserve that. No one in the world deserves to be party to the self-loathing, despair and bile I’ve waded through the past couple of weeks (months) and I’ve tried my hardest not to share with anyone.

My husband and kids, sadly, cannot avoid it all the time, but mindful of their love, their support and the fact that they don’t deserve it, I dish it out very little. Same with my friends. They know I’m sad, moody and very unpleasant, but self-restraint on my part has meant that they know only fractions of the bites the Big Black Dog takes from my soul, and that’s more than they need to know. I’m trying, in my own ways, to be the kind of person they deserve.

Big things have happened the past few weeks (months). Happy things, including finding out the sex of our tiny person and said tiny person being incredibly healthy, O learning to write her own name and spell it out loud, a wonderful honeymoon for B and I. Sad things, including losing our beautiful friend Katherine to the epic cancer that’s been eating her body and the realisation that I’m probably going to need a C-Section for the birth of our tiny person. All of these things have come with their own set of emotions, whether positive or not so, and each one, in its own way, has taken some of my rather limited energy. 

I’m working my way through all of my stuff, and I’m finally ready to re-join the blogosphere, hopefully with a happy outlook on life. Hope you’ll jump back aboard for the ride!!

What a great day to start back up!! It’s Flog Yo’ Blog Friday over at With Some Grace!

1 comment:

  1. I find when big things are happening I hibernate from blogging, then when I'm ready it all comes pouring out with my writing helping me to make sense of things, and bringing a sense of joy as I rekindle connections. Congrats on yr tiny person, and I'm sorry to here of yr friend's passing - losing a good friend is one of the hardest things I've ever had to try and make sense of ... I'm still waiting to understand. x